This script was based on a scary real-life incident my husband and I had when we went to Lake Almanor to go fishing. I had no experience in small boats, but he practically grew up on Lake Oroville fishing for bass. In the show, I played the Wife and Paul, a fellow actor, played my husband. He did a great job, adding just the right emotion and sarcasm to make the story come to life.
OLDER WIFE
When we were first married, my husband liked going out alone in his fishing boat. It was an ugly little thing, but he fixed it up and treated it like it was one of those sleek boats you see in a Bassmaster tournament. I couldn’t figure out why he liked it so much or why he’d rather go out in something he called “Thrasher” than do something fun with me. So, one day I asked if I could go with him. To my surprise, he said yes, and a little while later we were up at a high mountain lake, launching his boat.
HUSBAND
Go ahead, get in the boat. I’ll hold it still for you.
WIFE
Whoa! I thought you said you’d hold this thing still! I almost fell in!
HUSBAND
Just sit there in the middle. You weren’t kidding when you said this was your first time fishing, were you?
WIFE
No. But I wasn’t really interested in fishing. I just wanted to see what you do when you’re out here all by yourself.
HUSBAND
What did you think I did? Play with lake mermaids?
WIFE
Of course not! I just wondered.
HUSBAND
I come out here to fish. Hang on. I’m going to take us across the lake to the mouth of the river.
Sounds of boat motor
OLDER WIFE
It takes years to build trust in a relationship, as anyone who’s been married a long time knows. In our new marriage, we each thought we were the Captain Kirk of our Enterprise, unwilling to admit that Mr. Spock was equally important. And sometimes this caused conflict.
WIFE
Can’t you slow down? I feel like I’m getting paddled!
HUSBAND
Sorry! The flat bottom skips over the wakes. Just ride with it. I thought you were a horsewoman!
WIFE
Ow! Horses don’t have wooden saddles! Why don’t you sit here and let me drive?
HUSBAND
Because it’s not your boat!
OLDER WIFE
The line was drawn. When it becomes “his” or “hers” – whether it’s an object or a responsibility – it’s no longer “ours”. When that happens, someone feels left out until the other one wants to share.
HUSBAND
We’re here. Let’s check out this cove. Fish love places like this.
WIFE
What do I do?
HUSBAND
Get your rig ready. Here, you need to add a swivel to the line like this. Now see if you can find a lure in the tackle box. That one there is good. I’ve caught a lot of fish with it.
WIFE
Ok. Now what?
HUSBAND
You cast it towards shore, like this.
Sounds of a fishing reel whizzing
WIFE
Looks easy enough. Oh no, mine got stuck on something.
HUSBAND
Pull it out of the weeds!
WIFE
I can’t. It’s really stuck. Can you help me?
HUSBAND
Not right now….Hold on a second, I think I got a fish on mine.
Sounds of a fishing reel
HUSBAND
Dang! It got away.
Sounds of equipment hitting the bottom of the boat
WIFE
This is boring. I don’t see why you think this is fun.
HUSBAND
Why can’t you just relax and enjoy it?
WIFE
I’m trying! I don’t know what to do unless you show me! How about if we find a place to have our picnic now.
HUSBAND
Already? Okay. Look for a good place to pull the boat up onto the bank.
WIFE
It’s awfully rocky.
HUSBAND
Yeah, the lake is low. Let’s just eat in the boat.
WIFE
That’s too bad. I was kind of hoping to have a picnic on the shore.
HUSBAND
Do you have to be on a beach to have a picnic? Hand me a sandwich, will you?
Sound of a pop bottle opening
WIFE
Are you going to fish some more?
HUSBAND
That’s what I came here for.
WIFE
I don’t think I’ll do any more fishing today.
HUSBAND
Suit yourself.
WIFE
So…is it always this quiet when you’re fishing?
HUSBAND
Usually, it’s quieter.
WIFE
What’s that supposed to mean?
HUSBAND
I don’t usually talk to myself.
WIFE
Oh. (exaggerated sigh) Would you like me to stop talking?
HUSBAND
The fish like it when it’s quiet. (Aside to the audience, “me too!”)
WIFE
Fine…The breeze feels nice.
HUSBAND
Yeah.
WIFE
Seems like it’s picking up. Does it get windy here?
HUSBAND
Not so much.
WIFE
Oh. I don’t like the look of those clouds. You think we ought to head back now?
HUSBAND
They look all right to me. Are you sure you don’t want to fish?
WIFE
Yeah, I’m done. It’s okay, I just don’t think it’s my thing. Are you sure we shouldn’t head back? The water seems to be getting awfully rough.
HUSBAND
All right, all right! We’ll go back now.
Sounds of equipment being thrown around and motor abruptly turning over
OLDER WIFE
By this time, the sky was overcast. We’d been in a backwater off the lake and hadn’t noticed the weather changing. When we reached the main body of water, we were surprised to see high waves.
WIFE
Wow, has it gotten windy! Are you sure we can make it across the lake?
HUSBAND
We can make it. But it may get a little bumpy. Stow everything under the seat. And get in the front of the boat.
Wind and motor sounds
WIFE
OW! Can’t you slow down? This is worse than when we came across the first time. The waves are coming over the edge of the boat!
HUSBAND
Here, better put on one of the life jackets. Just in case.
WIFE
In case of what?! Ow! Can’t we find another way across the lake?
HUSBAND
There isn’t another way!
OLDER WIFE
He put on his life jacket, and my fingers trembled as I put on mine. He’d never worn one on the boat before, so I just knew that he thought we were going to capsize. But he must have noticed my fear, even as I was being tossed around the front of the boat.
HUSBAND
Stay calm! It isn’t a lot of water.
Sound of lake waves crashing
WIFE
That isn’t a lot of water?! Every time we come off a wave we take on more! It’s up to my ankles!
HUSBAND
I’m doing the best I can! You’re going to have to start bailing!
WIFE
With what? There’s nothing here! Wait, I think I’ve got something!
HUSBAND
The cooler?
WIFE
It’s better than nothing!
OLDER WIFE
I began scooping up water as best I could with the plastic cooler while he navigated the boat so it hit each wave at a 45 degree angle. I could see how much effort it was taking him to hold the rudder steady, and I think he could tell that I wasn’t having an easy time bailing.
Sounds of a bucket sloshing water in wind and motor sounds
WIFE
It seems like we aren’t going anywhere! Are we going to make it?
HUSBAND
Just keep bailing!
WIFE
I AM BAILING! But the water is coming in faster than I can get it out! Maybe you should help!
HUSBAND
I can’t! If we aren’t moving, we’ll get pushed onto the rocks!
WIFE
Okay, you’re right, you need to drive. I can take care of the water.
Motor, wind and bailing sounds
HUSBAND
That’s the boat launch. We’re almost there! I’m going to swing in close to the dock. See if you can get this rope around one of the cleats.
WIFE
I got it!
OLDER WIFE
We tied up and he retrieved the trailer. In 40 mile per hour winds, it took a long time before we got the boat loaded and could climb into the truck. When the doors closed, the silence was deafening.
HUSBAND
You know, I didn’t think we were going to make it. If you hadn’t been there to bail out the water, we would’ve been swamped.
WIFE
I was scared to death! But you did a good job getting us back. If you hadn’t known how to handle those waves, I think we would still be stuck on the other side of the lake. We couldn’t even pull up on shore!
HUSBAND
Yeah. I’ve never had to deal with something like that before. We make a good team.
WIFE
I think so, too. We just need to remember that, when times get tough, we can’t both be captains and we can’t both be bailing.
HUSBAND
Agreed.
OLDER WIFE
We learned some valuable lessons that day, and not just about checking the weather forecast before taking a jon boat onto a high mountain lake. We learned how to trust and respect one another. A couple can’t always avoid being caught out in high winds, but their relationship may have more success if they figure out how to navigate through them together.
